I am a student at Tawa Intermediate School in Wellington, New Zealand. I am in Room 15 and a member of the amazing Huia Syndicate. My teacher is Stephanie Thompson.

Thursday, 20 June 2013

writing sample

The day things started disappearing

In a small town on the border of India strange things were a usual happening. Every now and then things would go missing like a sheep or a cow. But when Osama, a loving father, husband and hard worker went missing well lets just say the the town freaked out.
Ten years later
Osama's son, his name was Kerpal. Now Kerpal had light brown hair much like his fathers his face was always burnt due to the fact that he loved the outdoors and his family was not at all wealthy. He was rather short and skinny but not so that he looked like a beggar. His nose was slightly bent inwards as a consequence to too many fights his eyes were the colour of the sea on a stormy day which seemed very weird since neither his Mum nor Dad had the same colour eyes.

Kerpal was always curious about his Dad's disappearance he was always asking his mother about it but he always got the same answer: 'I wish I knew Kerpal but no one does'. One day Kerpal was on his way home from school and was walking with his friend Pauhoot when they saw a man in a black hood running down the street with a baby in his arms. there was a woman standing in the street crying and shouting. The boys didn't know what to do. Could just let the man get away? Or would they help the woman to get her baby back? They knew what had to be done they ran out onto the street in front of the man. Kerpal tried on his brave face and tried to think of something to say that seemed intimidating but all he could say was 'stop?' The man stopped and stood there for a second then he just laughed and pulled something out of his pocket  it seemed to be some kind of can but then the man dropped it and the can erupted with smoke and the man bolted down the street to the right. Kerpal and Pauhoot couldn't give up now so they ran after him. The man was but the boys were faster. They nearly had him but he jumped a fence into the forest. Kerpal's dad had always never to go into the forest but he never said why...  
to be continued?          

1 comment:

  1. Fabulous writing, Jono! I love your use of descriptive writing, and you're building the tension in the story beautifully. You need to edit it because there are quite a number of words missing, and take a look at your punctuation.....commas are really good for breaking up sentences. Don't forget - short sentences are good!!!!!! Nice work1 :)

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for commenting on my Blog. I appreciate comments that can help me improve my learning.